Make Learning a Memorable Experience!

Have a holly, jolly Christmas, it’s the best time of the year!   Ho, Ho, Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!  Do you know what I asked Santa for this year?  I asked him to send me some new ideas to increase the 40% of our happiness we can control! 

The other day my wife told me about a family celebration called “Dinovember”.  Each night in November, after their children go to bed, the mom and dad arrange their children’s plastic dinosaur toys to make them believe they come alive at night. Why would they go to all this trouble?  To encourage their children to turn off the TV, put down their Ipads and use their imagination!  What an amazing way to make memories with your children!  I bet their kids will remember this for the rest of their lives and probably do it with their kids one day.  And the purpose of all this was to help their kids have fun without the use of technology. 

Below you see the dinosaurs having an egg fight on the left and a tea party on the right. 

 

This week we want to talk about THEME-ing.  “Well what is THEME-ing?” you might ask, and "Why did you write it all in CAPS?"  Well let me tell you!  About 15 years ago, two economists named Joseph Pine and James Gilmore wrote a book entitled, The Experience Economy (1999).  In this book the authors explain how any economic offering can be transformed into a memorable, happiness-generating experience. 

They explain this concept using coffee as an example. 

A coffee bean farmer can sell his product for about 75 cents per pound.  This amounts to about 1-2 cents per cup of coffee.  A manufacturing company can buy these beans; process and package them, and then sell the coffee grounds for roughly 5-25 cents per cup of coffee.  A normal diner can brew the coffee grounds into a cup of coffee and sell it for 50 cents to one dollar per cup.  Now if you serve this same cup of coffee in a café such as Starbucks, where there is a heightened ambience, a customer will happily shell out anywhere from $2 to $5.  Holy cow!  How did we get from one cent to five dollars?????  Well Pine and Gilmore (1999) explain consumers will pay a premium for memorable and happiness generating experiences. Providing a coffee drinking experience is what sets Starbucks apart from its competition and makes it special and memorable, bringing customers back again and again. 

So you’re probably thinking right now “What on earth does this have to do with my family’s happiness?”  Well let’s come back to this idea of THEME-ing.  Pine and Gilmore explain in their book one of the ways a company can turn their product or service into an experience is to THEME it.  THEME is an acronym for the 5 principles they suggest help create a memorable experience:

Theme the Experience

Harmonize Impressions with Positive Cues

Eliminate Negative Cues

Mix in Memorabilia

Engage the Five Senses

As a parent, you can THEME your children’s experiences to enhance learning and create lasting memories just as the Dinovember parents have done.  The first step is deciding on a theme for the experience you want to create.  Next you want to reinforce your theme by providing lasting impressions to be taken away from the experience.  Third, you want to get rid of anything negative during the experience.  Fourth, you want to provide memorabilia as a way to help spark memories of the experience.  Last but not least you want to stimulate the senses to heighten the experience.  This may seem like a lot to think about, but remember you can use all, some, or just one of these tools, and as always, simple is best. 

For instance, my wife and I have tried to limit the amount of TV our kids watch and encourage them to read.  Honestly this is not hard, because both our kids love books.  I’m sure it is not shocking to any parent, but our kids LOVE Christmas time and presents.  We decided to wrap up and give our children a new book every 3 days during the month of December leading up to Christmas.  We give the book to our children in the living room next to all the lit Christmas lights and tree.  We make sure the TV is not on when we give them the books.  We build up the suspense by telling them we have a surprise for them.  Then we sit and read the book with them for as long as they want, or at least until bath time…

So how did we incorporate the THEME-ing principles?  We decided what we wanted to encouraging our kids to read more.  And we used a Christmastime gift-giving theme to do this.  We harmonized the impressions by using Christmas wrapping paper and sitting in the living room near the Christmas lights and Christmas tree.  We eliminated negative cues by turning off the television, since this is the behavior we wanted to discourage.  We mixed in memorabilia, in this case the book itself.  And last but not least we stimulated the 5 senses.  We used the Christmas lights and wrapping paper to stimulate the visual senses.  Opening the wrapping paper stimulated their sense of touch.  Our children’s excitement and anticipation were heightened through simple use of these 5 principles.  So something as simple as giving your child a book can become an experience.  As you can see they love reading time!

I challenge you all to think of ways you can THEME your children’s experiences as well.  You can really provide them with lasting lessons and memories by enhancing the what you already do.  Remember it does not need to be extravagant.  Oftentimes simple is best but can make a big impression. 

 Check out the Dinovember what the dinovember parents are up to at: https://www.facebook.com/dinovember/.   Apparently they are also writing a book about their adventures!

To learn more about how you can use THEMEing in your life you can check out The Experience Economy by Pine and Gilmore for yourself!

http://www.amazon.com/Experience-Economy-Updated-Joseph-Pine/dp/1422161978/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1449603089&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Experience+Economy

As always we would love to hear what you have to say!  Please share any thoughts, insights or experiences you have with THEMEing!

Dad - It's time to spend time with the kids

Good afternoon everyone!  Hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving holiday with your family and friends.  We are glad to again have to opportunity to share with you how we can increase our happiness.  I hope last weeks post made an impact in your life and you were all able to find a little more peace by seeing people as people and staying out of the box.  This week we are going to focus on the men of the house.  You heard me Dad this one is for you.

Now have any of you experienced the following experience? Take a look at the video below and think about your (or your husband's) interaction with the kids.

We are all guilty of it at one point or another.  Sometimes we feel we are too busy or too tired.  The truth is there should always be time for our kids.  Whether it be reading a book, going fishing, wrestling on the couch, or having dinner.  Let's make some time guys. This post is for the fathers and focuses on father leisure time with their children.  This subject is especially pertinent to us authors since we are both fathers of two little children.  It will be largely focused around an article about the importance of a father’s participation in family leisure activities (Buswell, Zabriskie, Lundberg, & Hawkins, 2012).

time for our kids.

In our day and age it seems we are experiencing a new kind of fathering.  Marsiglio (1991) described a new father as one involved in seeking to establish close, intimate bonds with their children while providing nurturance and affection, engages in day-to-day caregiving tasks on his own, and is involved with daughters as much as he is sons. Marks and Palkovitz argue the new father is not new at all is rather a return to post-industrial fathers when the father was involved in many aspects of their child’s life. Among these ideas of fatherhood is the underlying trend if fathers are becoming more involved in the home with their children in an effort to provide better outcomes for their children.

Research shows fathers who are involved with their children in playing and caregiving are related to positive outcomes for their children (Brotherson et al., 2005; Pettit, Brown, Mize, & Lindsey, 1998). Playing and caregiving could include changing diapers, preparing dinner, dressing the children, or getting up during the night with younger children. Positive benefits include positive mental development (Roggman, Boyce, Cook, Christiansen, & Jones, 2004), greater problem-solving skills (Easterbrooks & Goldberg, 1984), and increased interaction with peers (Pettit et al).

In her study Buswell looked at father participation in leisure through the lens of the core and balance model we talked about a couple weeks ago.  Here is a small review in case you have forgotten.  There are two types of family leisure patterns, core and balance.  Core activities are usually done inside or near the home, are performed often, and typically require little or no financial resources.  Examples include watching television or movies together, shooting hoops in the driveway, playing board games and video games together, or going on family walks. Balance activities on the other hand are usually done away from the home, are novel experiences, not done as often, and may require more resources such as time, effort, and finances. Examples of these activities include family vacation, camping out, going on a hike, or attending a public swimming pool together.  Core leisure activities usually relate with family cohesion while balance leisure activities usually relate with family adaptability.  Now back to the current study.  During this study father involvement in core family leisure activities proved to be strongly related to all aspects of family functioning (both cohesion and adaptability.) One interesting finding came from the children’s perspective.  Children felt the involvement of their father in core family leisure was the strongest predictor of family adaptability.  Additionally, satisfaction with core family leisure with the father involved was the single best predictor of all aspects of family functioning.  Are we starting to see a trend here?  Fathers, it seems like if we are going to be present for family leisure the every day, spontaneous core leisure activities are most important to our families’ cohesion, adaptability, and family functioning. 

Even after taking into account family characteristics such as highest level of education, annual income, unemployment, and history of divorce, father involvement in core family leisure was the strongest predictor of family cohesion. In other words, fathers who regularly participated in activities such as watching television and movies, playing board games and video games, eating home meals, playing sports in the yard or park, attending their children’s performances or competitions, gardening, reading books, etc., together with their families reported higher levels of family cohesion. These incredible findings are consistent with those of a recent study indicating daughters who play age-appropriate video games with their fathers report stronger mental health, a stronger sense of family connectedness, and exhibit better behavior (Coyne, Padilla-Walker, Stockdale, & Day, 2011).

In the 1970s terms such as Disneyland dad became commonly used to describe the leisure patterns of fathers, particularly nonresident fathers. This term characterized fathers in a negative light suggesting they interacted only occasionally with their children often disrupting regular family life by showing up and only participating in expensive or extraordinary family activities, or in other words, balance family leisure activities. Findings from the current study show participation in core family leisure activities is much more important in respect to family functioning than participation in balance family leisure. Although participation in balance family leisure activities is important and needed, fathers’ involvement in the everyday, home-based, common family leisure activities held more weight than the large, extravagant, out-of-the-ordinary types of activities when examining family functioning.  Therefore, rather than the occasional expensive family vacation alone, the satisfaction with regularly occurring home-based family activities such as eating dinner together, participating in hobbies and informal sports and yard activities together, watching television together, or playing board games and video games together with the father present was the single strongest predictor of all aspects of family functioning, particularly from the youth perspective. Scholars, professionals, families, and fathers would benefit to examine the emphasis placed on fathers spending time with their families in everyday activities. More importantly, it should be recognized, in the case of family functioning, fathers should focus on the quality of interaction and satisfaction of family members during the regular time they spend together in family leisure.

For those of you who work with families and particularly fathers, you would do well to use this information to help develop programs to promote fathers being more involved in quality, everyday, home-based leisure activities with their families. Fathers may want to consider participating in activities such as family meals, board/video games, practicing sports and hobbies, reading together, or other common activities easily done together at home with little or no resources. Professionals could also consider teaching fathers the importance of their involvement in everyday leisure activities, provide ideas for activities fathers could be involved in, and facilitate regular participation in such home-based activities.

Challenge:

Dads around the world, I know life can be exhausting sometimes.  Between your career, school, family, and a variety of other responsibilities you have a lot on your plate, but don’t forget to make time for your children and family.  Like we just learned it doesn’t need to be an extravagant weeklong vacation away from work.  The simple activities like wrestling, having family dinner, playing a board game, or reading a book will really make the difference.  So our challenge to dads everywhere is to make an extra effort this week to improve your core leisure time with your kids.  Play in the yard, read a book, or play go fish.  It will be well worth your time, I promise.

Share:

What are some of your favorite father leisure activities?  How do you make sure to find time to participate in father leisure activities after a long day at work?  Please share with us your thoughts, ideas, and questions.

The Anatomy of Peace

This week in our pursuit to increase the 40% of our happiness we can control, we will take a look at how we can promote peace in our homes and relationships. Peace within my home and family relationships is something for which I strive, though some days it can be extremely difficult. 

Coming home to screaming children and a dirty house after a long, stressful day can really test your patience.  An argument can erupt with a single comment made in irritation to your spouse.  Angry words are bitten off in an effort to protect your children from seeing you argue. Once the kids are in bed icy silence echoes through the house, both spouses too hurt and angry to break the silence.  You both go to bed hoping to forget about the fight and move on.  The next day you are on speaking terms again mostly so that you can make sure the children’s needs are met.  You move on and try to forget to keep the peace but the hurt and anger remain in the deep recesses of your mind.  Does this scenario sound familiar to you? I know this is probably not the norm but I’m sure this has happened a time or two. 

Conflict and contention can arise from situations and misunderstandings that are mundane and sometimes seemingly silly, yet hurt feelings and damaged pride can last for weeks, months, years, or even generations.     

The philosophy taught in The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute is centered on recognizing the way we view others when we are faced with conflict.  We can view others as PEOPLE like ourselves with hopes, dreams, cares, and fears or we can view others as OBJECTS that are obstacles, vehicles, or irrelevant to getting what we want. Our regard for others or our way of being affects the way we view them.  When we are able to regard someone as a person we see beyond our own desires and recognize theirs as well.  When we see someone as an object we can’t see past our own desires. 

         Each of us has an innate sense of right and wrong.  We can choose to be true to our desires to help someone or treat them like a person or we betray this feeling we have and choose not to help someone or treat them like an person.  The term that the authors use is having a Heart of Peace or having a Heart of War.  We can approach any person or situation with a Heart of Peace or a Heart of War.  The way we regard others will affect the way we approach a situation and interact with someone.  Can you think of a situation where you had a Heart of Peace or a Heart of War?  I’m sure we can all think of a few. Let me give you an example.

         When driving, I sometimes get frustrated with others drivers who in my estimation should have their licenses revoked.  The other day as I was driving home from school a woman in a white mini-van cut me off on the freeway on-ramp.  I had a choice to make.  How would I regard this woman who cut me off?  Would I view her as a person or an object?  In this particular instance I chose to view her as a person.  I was irritated, but I thought to myself that she must be in a hurry to get home to see her family the same as I.  Maybe she was late getting home to cook her family dinner or afraid her son would have to wait too long for her to pick him up from football practice.  When I began to view her as a person, just like me, with desires, needs, and fears, I was able to have a heart of peace in this situation toward this woman.  I felt compassion and empathy instead of anger.  So I did not honk my horn, yell at her threw my windshield, or hit my steering wheel.  Talk about road rage!  These are things I probably would have done if I had chosen to regard her as an object in this situation.  I would have seen her as being selfish, self-centered, a horrible driver, an idiot, etc.  And I would have felt justified thinking of her this way. 

So how does this relate to happiness?  Let’s relate it back to the story I just told you.  When this woman cut me off I could have chosen to see her as the object of my anger and irritation; the thing that was keeping me from getting home safely and quickly to my wife and children. If I had chosen to be angry with her I probably would have stewed about it all the way home and started an argument with my wife possibly sparking the events I mentioned at the beginning of this post.  Instead I chose to see the lady in the white mini-van as a wife and parent, anxiously trying to get home to her family just like I was. This allowed me to be at peace instead of at war in my heart.  I went home that day happy to see my family.  I played with my children and kissed my wife long and good.  I chose to be happy instead of angry. 

         The example was an encounter with a stranger but how would an encounter with a family member or close friend transpire?  Conflict between family members is often harder to overcome.  Because of the close emotional bonds, harsh words or actions can cut deeper and last longer.  However the love that grows through overcoming these conflicts is equally deep.  My wife and I have had a few arguments in our 5 years of marriage.  Some were minor and we overcame them quickly.  Some were louder, harsher, hurt more. 

There was a deep hurt I caused my wife. Every time we had a disagreement I would always rehash something she did that bothered me when we argued.  I would bring it up and throw it in her face over and over again.  This hurt my wife deeply.  Clearly I saw her as an object and not a person when we argued.  I used this thing that bothered me to attack her, bring her into submission to win the argument.  That was all I could see.  I was blind to the hurt it caused.  I finally realized how much I was hurting her and I vowed that I would never bring it up ever again.  I was not really trying to understand her point of view when we argued I was only trying to win.  I needed to make a change and regard her as a person, but not just any person, but the most important person in the whole world whom I loved more than anything and who loved me back.  I especially needed to regard her in this way when we argued.  I can honestly say that overcoming this conflict has brought us closer together and deepened our love for each other.   

         Everything always comes back to choice.  Being happy is a choice.  Remember that we are in control of 40% of our own happiness.  The principles taught in The Anatomy of Peace allow us to take charge of that 40% by helping us view others with understanding and compassion.  And who couldn’t use a bit more understanding and compassion from others.  I know I could.  

Take a minute and think about your relationships with family and friends.  Do any of them feel strained?  Can you think of anyone you love who needs to be seen as a person and not an object?  Think about what is keeping you from overcoming whatever hurt or anger you feel.  Try to view them with understanding and compassion. I know that as you do this you too can overcome the conflict in your heart and strengthen your relationships. 

If you would like to learn more about resolving conflict you can check out The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute.  It is a great read!

http://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Peace-Resolving-Heart-Conflict/dp/1626564310/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1448420181&sr=8-1&keywords=the+anatomy+of+peace